As the rest of my family sleeps and the only sound I hear is my dryer running (a constant sound in my house). I am thinking about who I am, who I have been, and who I want to be. If some one from high school were to call me today I don't think any one who knew me would be all that surprised by who I am today. I am 24 years old with basically the same upbeat, outgoing, talkative personality I have always had. My life long dream was to be a mom, and hear I am mom of two adorable boys. Isaac has my crazy personality. He is a huge ball of energy which is just what I get. Pay back for all the ADD that was my childhood. Asher is my precious baby boy who loves to cuddle and couldn't look more like my grandfather if he tried. (If Grandpa was alive I'm sure he'd be thrilled.) I'm married to a man who is handsome, successful, and we are so in love. We have a dog and a cat. We own our own little home. We are involved in a church we love. We work with the youth group, have amazing friends, and love life. I mean, really, I think that my 15 year old self would be pretty pleased with the way things are turning out. For as long as I can remeber I always wanted to do 4 things well, and in this order"
Be a Godly woman
Be a Good wife
Be a good mom
Be a good friend
Pretty much what I want people to say about me. My "Legacy" if you will. I am doing my best. Some days though I look at myself and I think 'Where did I go?' I used to think. I used to be able to keep a neat house, and pretty much have it all together. I was good at school. I was going to finish college, but then I got married, and then I got pregnant, and now I stay at home so it isn't happening right now. Some days I feel like an empty shell. Some days I feel like I yelled more than I loved. Some days I feel like I didn't accomplish anything. My day everyday consists of laundry, dishes, diapers, and meals. I make food, feed food, clean up food, start over. I consume naptime like a fat kid eats cake. The one hour a day when they are both asleep I am a liberated woman. However, in my lunch break I must eat, clean, pay bills, exercise, read, sleep, or call any one I need to. Not a whole lot of time for me. I guess that is why I'm typing. Not really sure who will read this. I guess I don't really care. I just want to have a few minutes to get out of my mind. A few quiet minutes for me. I do love my life, don't get me wrong. I have nothing to complain about (not that that stops me). I am blessed beyond what even my 17 year old self could have dreamed up. Well, the dryer just stopped. Maybe I will fold one more load of laundry before I get to bed. Tomorrow is another day. I need to get some sleep so I can wake up ready to run with my boys.
Good night.
1 comment:
I love this post Abs, and although I only have one precious baby, I can understand where you're coming from. I was just thinking today how much easier life would have been if Cory and I had waited to get married until after we finished school, like my parents suggested. Trying to be a good wife and mother plus be a diligent student is more than I can do I guess. It's frustrating, but then again, the life that I have is what I always said I wanted.
Post a Comment